How To Handle Awkward Questions About Your Love Life This Holiday Season

Dr. Jess, Tinder’s Canadian relationship expert, shares her tips for navigating awkward holiday conversations about relationship status. With Tinder data showing a 32 per cent spike in the mention of “relatives” in bios during the holidays, Dr. Jess offers advice on dodging or tackling those pesky family questions—and explores trends around the season’s infamous “cuffing” culture. —Noa Nichol

What are some of the most common questions single people face from family during the holidays, and why do you think these questions cause such stress?

For better or for worse, the holiday season can mean increased time spent with family, which means it’s also a time when singles may experience an increase in inbound personal questions like, “what ever happened to that nice boy you were seeing last summer? Why didn’t it work out with so and so?” And of course the dreaded “why are you single?” For many, the list can go on and on.

While these may be asked with good intentions, these questions can also be intrusive and frustrating. It’s not uncommon to feel pressured, stressed or anxious when a family member pries. It can cause singles to compare themselves to others and experience intense feelings of self-judgment and a lack of belonging. Understandably, not everyone wants to share transparently about their love lives with family members — especially if family relationships don’t feel safe and supportive.

Can you share some of Tinder’s top tips on gracefully dodging or answering those awkward family questions about dating status?

Consider these strategies for dealing with uncomfortable relationship questions. Remember, you have the right to set boundaries in a way that feels comfortable for you. Just because they’ve asked doesn’t mean you have to answer and clarifying your boundaries can lead to more open and compassionate relationships. Of course, the way you set boundaries will depend on your communication style as well as your family’s specific dynamics. Some ways to respond to intrusive or uncomfortable questions about your love life:

Go for the classic deflection: “I’m too busy binge-watching The Holiday — relationships will have to wait.” Shift the focus to a conversation topic that others may find engaging.

Enlist allies. If you have a cousin, sibling or another family member who is willing to speak up and offer support (e.g. change the subject or remind other family members that you’re not keen to talk about a specific topic), speak with them in advance. Relational dynamics can vary greatly within families, so lean on those whose voice and message may be perceived and received differently with specific family members. For example, your eldest cousin may have a closer relationship with your grandparents, so they may be better equipped to speak up with love and levity.

The “turn the tables” technique: “Oh, funny you should ask! How’s your love life, Auntie?” If your family dynamic tends to involve humour, you can try answering a question with another playful question to redirect the focus. Not everything has to be serious and every interaction need not be a teachable moment.

It’s all about mystery, darling: “I could tell you, but then it wouldn’t be as fun!” Your dating life can be as top-secret as a Hollywood romance – sometimes the best answer is no answer at all.

The “New Year, New Me” excuse: “Ask me next year—new year, new surprises…!” You may not be comfortable discussing a topic today, so consider delaying until a future date. There is no perfect way to dodge the questions and keep things light (and maybe the excuse will materialize! In fact, Tinder’s Future of Dating Report reveals 41% of young singles believe manifesting has a larger influence on compatibility and connection than Zodiac signs.)

Tinder data shows a spike in mentions of “relatives” in user bios during the holiday season. Why do you think so many people feel the need to address family pressures in their profiles, and does it change the way they interact on the app?

This spike is real. In December 2023, there was a 32% increase in the mention of “relatives” in bios compared to the annual average, with users calling out the pressure to answer awkward family questions about dating.

It makes sense that we refer to our families, as during the discovery phase of dating, we’re looking for common ground and oftentimes, we consider shared values. In many cultures, families play significant roles in our romantic relationships, so it follows that we may consider their perspectives when dating — for better or for worse. Heightened family proximity and pressure over the holidays may explain the spike in bio mentions and referring to family dynamics in your Tinder bio can serve as a light-hearted disclaimer or an icebreaker to find common ground.

We also know that young daters prioritize authenticity. In fact, according to Tinder’s Future of Dating Report 2023, Gen Z cares more about traits like loyalty (79%), open-mindedness (61%), and clear dating intentions (40%) than physical appearance. Daters might prioritize potential matches who are open and authentic about their family lives — including those whose families play important roles in their lives as well as those with whom they might commiserate about holiday pressures.

“Cuffing season” often brings a surge in dating interest. How do you recommend singles approach holiday dating while balancing personal boundaries and family expectations?

With the drop in temperatures (and Tinder data), we know that cuffing season is real. Cuffing season generally refers to the inclination to find someone to hang out with, cuddle up with, and connect to when the days get darker earlier and the weather is fierce. Because this can coincide with the holidays, singles may also have to navigate it with their families around, so you may want to consider the following:

Embrace intention. Set intentions so that you’re clear on what you’re looking for — from enjoying new connections to exploring something more serious. Consider your values and desires more generally as opposed to setting a rigid set of expectations. Note that your intentions may change as you open yourself up to possibilities, so give yourself grace and flexibility. One of the key themes from Tinder’s 2023 Year in Swipe report showed singles fully embracing not attached to outcome (NATO) dating, which refers to being less concerned with the outcome and more interested in enjoying the process of getting to know someone. Taking the pressure off = more fun and flexibility, especially around the holidays when you may be dealing with additional sources of pressure.

Establish boundaries early. Balancing personal boundaries means communicating openly with potential matches and your family about your expectations and comfort levels. If you won’t be introducing a new beau to your family, don’t lead them on. And also be mindful that they may not want to shoulder the burden of helping you to dissect and process intense family dynamics (especially if they haven’t met your family), so be considerate and ask them about their bandwidth before unloading your full family history (and drama).

Show up as yourself. While the holiday season brings a lot of fun, it’s not the time to play romantic games. Being authentic and transparent can be helpful when navigating busy holiday schedules. According to Tinder’s Future of Dating Report, dating games are especially unpopular among Gen Z daters (18-25 year olds are 32% less likely to ghost someone than those over 33).

What emerging trends are you seeing in dating patterns or bio updates around the holidays, and how are these patterns evolving each year?

Aside from the increase in in-app mentions of relatives, there are some other key trends we can expect to see as we approach the holidays.

Swiping abroad. Technology obviously already plays a considerable role in modern dating but I particularly love Tinder Passport, which makes dating and Swiping during the holidays so easy. If you’re traveling for the holidays or heading home to another province or country, you can search by city or drop a pin on the map to connect with potential Matches before you even arrive.

Sharing your dating journey with friends and family. One great way to proactively address potential questions from family members involves inviting them to participate in the process. With Tinder Matchmaker, you can ask friends and family to recommend profiles for you without the need for them to download the app or create a Tinder account. I’ve even heard of people having Swiping parties using this feature.

Music and movies. We always see increased Tinder bio mentions of classic holiday movies (think Mariah and Love Actually), recipes, and more.