How To Support Someone Through Pregnancy & Infant Loss This October

Devastating, heartbreaking, unimaginable. However we choose to describe it, pregnancy and infant loss are some of the most painful tragedies families can go through. Unfortunately, this unthinkable experience occurs more than is talked about. Approximately 15 to 25 per cent of Canadian families have gone through this undeniably terrible loss, and unless you or your audience have been through a similar experience, it can be difficult to understand what families are going through fully. As October 15 marks World Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, we spoke with Emily Getz, Fertility Matters Canada (FMC) advocate and fertility patient, to discuss ways you can best support those mourning the loss of a pregnancy or death of an infant. —Noa Nichol

Please tell us a bit about yourself to start.

My name is Emily Getz. I am a fertility mindset coach and founder of Day 1, a first-of-its-kind fertility support network. In 2019, I lost my second baby to an undetected infection that took me down a road I could never have predicted. Over the past three years, I have undergone IUIs, multiple rounds of IVF, ectopic pregnancy with the removal of the right tube and most recently, an 8-week miscarriage. As the founder of Day 1, I coach and teach women new ways to perceive their fertility circumstances, helping them take ownership of the journey. This journey has also let me work closely with Fertility Matters Canada (FMC) as a chair for its second annual FMC6K; a nationwide virtual two-day fertility awareness event that will kick off on Saturday, October 15, 2022, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

As World Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day approaches on October 15, what are some of the Canadian statistics around these experiences, and why do you think we don’t hear about it much?

Infertility and reproductive loss are more common than spoken about, resulting in lots of Canadians suffering in silence since they think they are alone, but with roughly one in six Canadians has experienced fertility issues, and one in four Canadians has experienced a miscarriage or reproductive loss, those suffering are not alone. Other staggering statistics to help put this into perspective include:

• More than 90% of miscarriages happen within the first 12 weeks, and the risk of pregnancy loss significantly decreases after 12 weeks.
• The most common cause of miscarriage is chromosomal abnormality – meaning that something is not correct with the baby’s chromosomes.
• Risk of miscarriage increases after age 35
• Miscarriage is not caused by stress, exercise, or sex. In many cases, doctors don’t know what caused the miscarriage.
• Miscarriage is usually a chance event, not a sign of an ongoing problem. If you have had one miscarriage, your chances for future successful pregnancies are good.

The stigma and external societal pressures of infertility often lead to fertility patients not speaking about their experiences. Our goal at FMC is to break this stigma by educating and supporting individuals and couples struggling to build their families.

How can we educate ourselves on infant and pregnancy loss, especially during Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month?

There is no better time than the present to educate yourself, especially since October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month. Whether you have experienced infant and pregnancy loss and need access to resources, or you know someone who is experiencing the loss and want to know how to be there for them, the FMC website (fertilitymatters.ca) is a great starting point with access to various resources. Our website has fertility treatment videos, links to support groups in your province, articles and much more. The Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists of Canada (SOGC) also has great info for people to get data-backed information.

What are some tips for friends and family members of those mourning a loss to show up and help support them a) in the time following a loss and b) when they are looking forward to a new life?

Anything that shows you are thinking of them is important, it doesn’t have to be big gestures, small check-ins are just as powerful. The one misconception family and friends make when trying to support a loved one in mourning is not reaching out at all because they don’t want to “bother” them, but it is through my own experience and the experience of those with who I work with, that reaching out to say you are thinking of them can mean so much versus not saying anything at all. Like any death, the attention at the forefront of the experience is when most people reach out, but it is the weeks and months following that it can be forgotten, and that is when loved ones need to show up the most. It can be as simple as a “checking in” text weekly because it isn’t necessarily always about pushing your loved one to talk about their experience, but mostly the day-to-day support is the support that is missing in this journey. As months go by and a loved one is trying to return to everyday life, it is always a good idea to consider them during holidays, seasonal moments, pregnancy and birth announcements. This advice is quite simple but harder to action. My advice is if you feel like you are not reaching out because you don’t want to upset them, to cross that bridge and reach out – we want to know you remember and that we are in your thoughts and are available when we need you. Some examples:

• Add a weekly reminder in your phone to send a check in text message.
• Add a reminder in your phone for the expected due date so you can support them on the day.
• Follow people on social media who are going through infertility to become more educated about this experience so you can support them further.
• Donate to the FMC 6K on behalf of your loved one who has experienced loss.
• Send them a small gift or text when family or friends announce a pregnancy.

How is Fertility Matters Canada helping to raise awareness and fundraise for equitable access to fertility care and education across the country, and how can Canadians get involved?

Fertility Matters Canada is actively raising awareness of the state of fertility in Canada by driving awareness campaigns via social media. FMC works closely with provincial patient advocacy groups to drive awareness and create conversations about the need for policy change to support fertility and family building at the provincial and federal levels. To raise awareness and fundraise for equitable access to fertility care across all provinces, FMC is hosting a virtual two-day fertility awareness event that will kick off on Saturday, October 15, 2022, National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The event rallies communities from coast to coast, encouraging Canadians to donate or sign up as individuals or join a team to bike, run, walk, or wheel. Canadians can register at fertilitymatters6k.ca.

fertilitymatters.ca