The Mom Flow: The Unspoken Motherhood Trade-Off

Welcome to The Mom Flow, where I share things that are on my mind in the hopes of helping you connect to your Mom Flow. Thanks for being here! —Erin Sousa

So, there I was, deep in my nightly TikTok scroll (yes, it’s a problem – my phone gets more cuddles than my husband these days, but who’s counting?), when this clip of Emma Grede popped up. You know, the powerhouse behind Good American and SKIMS, clearly, she’s tight with the Kardashians. She’s also a mom of four and one of Forbes’ richest self-made women. Naturally, my ears perked up.

Whenever I hear about someone crushing it professionally while raising kids – especially four – I pay extra attention. I mean, I have one child and run a business, and some days I feel like I’m barely keeping it together. Four kids is no freaking joke. I often kid that I’ve chosen to be mediocre at both, buuut there may be a hint of truth there?! It’s funny, because if you heard a male executive had four kids, you’d prob shrug and move on, but somehow I know that if it’s a woman, it’s a much bigger feat – the demands on moms are truly hard to comprehend they are so massive.

In the clip, she was refreshingly honest about the trade-offs she’s made. She said something along the lines of, “I’m not going to moms’ coffee or the gala because I don’t want to, plain and simple.” Oof. That hit me. It’s the kind of honesty that might ruffle feathers, but it’s so real, or at least to me.

As moms, we can be a bit judgy – especially when another mom’s choices make us question our own. I’ve felt that sting of inadequacy more times than I’d like to admit. But over time, I’ve learned to check myself and appreciate my own journey.

For me, that means not going full throttle with work while Lola is young. I really want to take her to school and be there for those random Friday morning events like Mother’s Day Tea. That’s my trade-off. That said, I also miss a lot of things that other mom’s are there for because of work. (For the record, I was what you’d call a latchkey kid – I let myself into our home after school. My mom was working my first day of grade one, and I still remember arriving by school bus and crying in the hallways feeling so scared and alone, unsure where to go. She defo wasn’t picking me up, dropping me off or volunteering but I 1000% felt safe, loved and had a happy childhood). Roberto took paternity leave and I went back to work after 6 weeks which wasn’t easy and I sometimes wonder if I made a mistake – but as the breadwinner, it was what it was. He works four days a week so he can spend more time with Lola and help with home life. I’m proud of us for doing it our own way.

We need to have these conversations without labeling each other as “bad moms.” It’s okay if someone prefers working over attending every school event. Personally, having one child feels right for me – it allows me to “balance” (honestly, no such thing, nor is it something I strive for!) motherhood and a career while keeping the chaos manageable. It’s not for everyone, but it’s what works for me.

We’re going to be discussing this topic at The Mom Flow Social Club – it’s an IN PERSON event happening May 29 in Vancouver.

The agenda includes a group chat about this topic and breakout groups for MOMfessions – confessions about the mom feels you think no one will relate to or you would be embarrassed to say out loud. We write them down, and read one anonymously. And trust, last time, there were tears! I really would love to have you. The room will be full of other amazing women and moms to connect with. Oh, and I’m treating you! Wine, nibbles, pampering and a very epic gift bag are on the agenda. No, it’s not about selling anything – just an evening of connection and fun. Yes, you can come alone or if you’re not a mom. Get your ticket!