As Valentine’s Day approaches, many couples are realizing that the secret to a long-lasting romance might not be found in the dining room, but in the bedroom—specifically, how well they sleep together. New national research from Endy reveals that 84% of Canadians consider sleep compatibility a top priority when choosing a long-term partner, yet nearly one-third admit that clashing habits have sparked everything from minor tension to ongoing conflict. To help partners bridge the gap, Endy has created a quick sleep compatibility quiz to explore common differences and identify potential triggers before they lead to a “sleep divorce.”
Whether you are struggling with a partner’s midnight tossing or different temperature preferences—a disruptive issue for 20% of Canadians—finding a middle ground is essential for maintaining both rest and closeness. We sat down with relationship expert Kimberly Moffit to discuss why sleep remains a “taboo” topic, how to navigate these sensitive conversations, and why tools like motion-isolating mattresses or Endy’s temperature-regulating BOGO duvet sale (running February 2nd to 14th with code VAL-26-DUVET-BOGO) can be total game-changers for your relationship. —Noa Nichol
When it comes to modern relationships, why has sleep compatibility quietly become such a big deal and why do we still feel awkward talking about it?
Sleep has become a huge wellness priority, and for good reason. We’re finally recognizing how much our sleep affects our mental health, emotional regulation, and how we show up in our relationships. What I find interesting is that even though sleep impacts everything, we still don’t talk about it openly with partners. I think that’s because sleep feels very personal, our habits, our bodies, our vulnerabilities. Saying “I’m not sleeping well because of you” can feel much harder than it should, even though it’s a very fixable issue.
“Sleep divorce” sounds dramatic – what’s actually happening behind the scenes when couples start sleeping apart?
In my practice, I almost never see couples jump into sleeping apart casually. It usually happens after a long period of exhaustion, whether it’s snoring, movement, different schedules, or temperature issues that just haven’t been addressed. However, it’s usually reluctant – couples who once preferred to sleep in the same bed will put off the decision because they enjoy the closeness, and it feels like an emotional decision. Endy actually dug into this with a recent national survey, and it backs that up – 38% of Canadians have contemplated sleep separation at some point, but only 17% of coupled Canadians say they’re currently sleeping separately. That tells us that although Canadians are experiencing unmet needs in managing sleep comfort, most couples don’t want to sleep apart. For many, sharing a bed still represents connection and intimacy, which is why sleeping apart tends to be a last resort rather than a first choice.
Is incompatible sleep really about rest, or is it often a stand-in for deeper communication issues in a relationship?
It’s often less about the sleep itself and more about how couples communicate around unmet needs. Different sleep habits won’t break a relationship on their own, but avoiding the conversation absolutely can. Sleep compatibility really highlights whether partners feel safe advocating for themselves, listening to each other, and problem-solving as a team.
What are the most common sleep habits couples clash over that nobody thinks to discuss early on?
In the same study conducted by Endy, it was found that 42% of Canadians report snoring as the leading cause of partner-related sleep disruption, followed by nighttime movement (25%) and differing sleep schedules (23%), with temperature preferences also contributing (20%). Disruptions are largely driven by noise, movement, and mismatched sleep habits. People often don’t think to talk about things like sleep position, mattress firmness, or even blanket preferences early on. These feel small at first, but when they affect your sleep night after night, they add up quickly.
How can someone bring up sleep issues without it sounding like criticism—or a relationship red flag?
I always recommend framing sleep as a shared experience rather than a personal flaw. Instead of saying, “You’re keeping me up,” try, “I’ve noticed I’m not sleeping as well, can we talk about how we can make nights better for both of us?” One of my favourite prompts is asking your partner to describe their ideal sleep experience and then sharing your own. That immediately turns it into a collaborative conversation. Endy has actually further aided in this with the creation of their own sleep compatibility quiz, see HERE.
For couples determined to stay in the same bed, what small changes can make the biggest difference before calling it quits on shared sleep?
Addressing the actual disruption is key. Motion transfer, temperature regulation, and proper support can dramatically improve shared sleep. Many couples are surprised by how much difference the right sleep setup, like a mattress that minimizes movement or regulates heat, can make before sleeping apart ever needs to be on the table. For example, Endy has a variety of mattresses, like the Endy Mattress and Hybrid Mattress are made with Transition Foam to help eliminate motion transfer to prevent movement from rippling across the bed. This is ideal for partners with different sleep schedules or sleep positions to reduce sleep disruptions.
Temperature wars, tossing and turning, mismatched schedules—what’s the hardest sleep issue for couples to compromise on, and why?
Temperature is often the hardest because there’s no middle ground when one person runs hot and the other is freezing. Movement is another big one—being woken up repeatedly can quietly create resentment over time. These aren’t preference issues; they’re physical experiences, which is why finding practical solutions matters so much. And there are so many practical solutions for these sorts of challenges. The Endy Mattress and Hybrid Mattress has a top layer that is infused with cooling gel, which adds an extra layer to temperature regulation, ensuring that people who overheat due to their partner being in bed with them stay comfortable all night. Just in time for Valentine’s Endy is also hosting a BOGO sale on the Endy duvet, promo code VAL-26-DUVET-BOGO (from Feb. 2 to 14) to help regulate shared body heat so couples with different temperature preferences can sleep comfortably together.
Should sleep habits be first-date conversation material now—or is there a right moment to ask without killing the vibe?
Asking about sleep habits on a first date isn’t just a fun conversation starter; it’s valuable information! Remember, it’s not necessarily about knowing what their exact sleep habits ARE (because they’re solvable!) It’s about finding out if they have the tools to problem solve, communicate, and take proactive measures to consider your needs while also looking after their own. Getting to learn this on a first date? Total win!
How can prioritizing sleep together actually strengthen intimacy, rather than feeling like a logistical chore?
When couples sleep well together, they often feel more emotionally connected. There’s something grounding about falling asleep next to your partner and waking up feeling rested instead of resentful. Even when life feels busy, shared sleep can create a sense of closeness and stability that carries into the rest of the relationship.
If Valentine’s Day is about love, what’s the most loving thing couples can do when it comes to supporting each other’s sleep?
Take each other’s rest seriously. That means having honest conversations, recognizing differences without blame, and finding solutions that support both partners. Supporting your partner’s sleep is one of the most practical, and underrated, ways to show love. When couples sleep better, they show up better for each other.
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