Family Dinners: The Secret To Raising Empathetic Leaders

As the holidays draw families together, bestselling author and leadership expert Leisse Wilcox shares why family dinners are more than a cherished tradition—they’re a training ground for emotional intelligence. In this Q&A, Leisse reveals how simple mealtime rituals can shape compassionate future leaders while strengthening family bonds in meaningful ways. —Noa Nichol

Why do you believe family dinners are a powerful tool for teaching emotional intelligence? Can you share a specific example from your own family?

Family dinners are like a mini boardroom in disguise: it’s where we reflect, strategize, problem solve, and create opportunities to speak and be heard, communicating across generations. It is one of the most natural ways to teach emotional intelligence because it creates a safe space for honest, real conversations in real-time. At the table, we model listening, empathy, and navigating differing opinions—all essential components of emotional intelligence. 

In my family, Sunday dinners are sacred. Sometimes we are silly, doing impersonations or hashing out inside family jokes. Others are more serious; recently, we had one of my daughters’ friends join us for dinner, who’d been starting to make some less-than-great decisions in his own peer group. Through open conversation with lots of listening and no judgment, we were able to have a very real conversation on the very real risks teens are facing with fentanyl-laced drug supplies. We were able to face this pretty taboo subject naturally and head-on, using it as an open forum for discussion and education, both from the Gen Alpha perspective, as well as the Millennial and Gen X perspective. It opened the door to a deeper conversation about confidence, resilience and problem-solving—teaching them to name their emotions and trust their instincts while working through challenges.

In today’s tech-driven world, why is emotional intelligence such a critical skill for the next generation of leaders? How can parents help nurture this at home?

The one thing we can’t automate? RELATIONSHIPS. In an age dominated by AI and automation, emotional intelligence is what sets leaders apart as literally every other task is being consumed, transformed by, or delegated to AI. It’s the human touch—empathy, communication, and relationship building—that drives innovation and connection. Parents can nurture this at home by creating social skill-building opportunities for kids of all ages to express their emotions, practice problem-solving, and reflect on how their actions impact others. Family dinners are a perfect setting for this; they’re less about what’s on the plate and more about what’s shared around it.

For busy parents juggling work, school, and extracurricular activities, how do you recommend making family dinners a priority without adding stress?

As a blended family with two full-time entrepreneurs and three active teen girls; trust me: this is not intended to add stress (hands up if you’ve got enough of that already). 

1. Keep it low key: It doesn’t have to be a formal, sit-down affair every night: the goal is connection, not perfection, with everyone together in one place – without any phones. 

2. Start small—maybe one (or two) intentional family meals per week. It could be the ritual of pizza night, or even a picnic on the floor. If evenings are just not possible, plan a weekly family breakfast or brunch. 

3. Involve the kids: in planning, prepping, table setting, and dishwashing (my kids won’t be happy I shared that one!); this shifts some responsibility and makes it a shared experience, which is more engaging for everyone. 

4. Give yourself some grace: not every family dinner is going to be picture-perfect – that is normal! Remind yourself that it’s the consistency of the ritual, the togetherness, and the change to speak up and be heard that matters most. These are invaluable moments for connection and social skill building, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.

You mention that family dinners are a training ground for empathy, communication, and confidence. How can parents foster these skills during mealtime conversations?

By the time kids are home from school, they don’t usually remember “what happened,” or “what they learned,” especially when put on the spot. If we take the pressure off and ask open-ended questions like, “What was the best part of your day?” or “What’s something you’re proud of this week?” we’ll start to get some insights into their lives. And if you really want to know? Don’t ask direct questions about their lives, rather start conversations with thought starters like “you’ll never believe what I heard on the radio today,” or “If you could see any concert – who would it be?” Share stories from your own experiences, too, so kids see that vulnerability and reflection are normal at every age and stage. Encourage everyone to take turns speaking – without interruptions – and allow for health, respectful debate when two opinions do not align. Fostering both communication skills and respect for others’ perspectives while actively listening when it isn’t your turn to talk is an essential skill builder that is getting lost in the age of one-way, direct to camera conversation.

How do family dinners benefit not just children, but parents as well? What are the long-term impacts for families who prioritize this ritual?

For parents, family dinners offer a chance to slow down and truly connect with their kids—something that often gets lost in the chaos of daily life. Long-term, this ritual builds trust, strengthens family bonds, and creates a sense of stability and belonging. It’s also a chance – especially this with older kids – to get s sense of the next Gen perspective on trends, ideologies, and life outlook. For children, it lays the foundation for future relationships and leadership skills, knowing that their values and opinions were made time for and appreciated while teaching them to listen to others’ as well. For parents, it’s a reminder to lead by example, showing patience, presence, and active engagement.

What advice would you give to parents whose kids are reluctant to participate in family meals or meaningful discussions at the table?

Start by lowering the stakes. Keep the tone light and fun rather than forcing serious discussions, and know how to read the room. Incorporate a family game, like “Two Truths and a Lie,” or rotate who gets to choose the menu. Over time, as the table becomes a safe and enjoyable space, kids will naturally open up. Find what works for your family culture and keep on the back burner of your mind that this is the best education they will get to be a part of a lively group discussion; this is a lost art and most schools don’t even allow for these moments of connection – even during their lunch period. We cannot automate relationships, and we cannot learn them in a vacuum, either.

In your experience, how can families with diverse schedules or challenges, such as shared custody, create their own version of this tradition?

I was a single mom with shared custody for YEARS. You learn to make moments even more special when they’re in short supply, and that flexibility is key. Focus on the intention rather than the ideal. Even now that my kids are with me full time, we still have dance, sports, volunteering, and guitar – on top of networking events and care of aging parents. It’s a lot.  A 20-minute snack and chat can be just as meaningful when you’re intentional about being together, present, and actively engaged in the discussion. It’s less about when, how, or how much and more about showing up with consistency and presence – with no outside distractions or screens.

With the holidays being such a busy time, what are some simple ways families can incorporate meaningful connection at the table without it feeling forced or overwhelming?

Make it festive yet simple. One of our favorite holiday rituals is ordering Chinese food on Christmas eve. Add some candles or kid-made place settings and all of a sudden it feels like a sense of occasion.  Focus on gratitude—each person sharing something they’re thankful for—and avoid the pressure to have deep discussions. My daughters used to HATE it when I asked everyone to share something they’re grateful for, but with practice, it feels less vulnerable and more comfortable.  Don’t overthink it; sometimes laughter and lightheartedness are the best connectors.

As a leadership development expert, how do you see the skills learned at family dinners translating to success in professional and personal settings?

Skills like active listening, confidence in sharing ideas, using your voice, problem-solving, and understanding different perspectives are all transferable to the workplace and beyond. And I know that most families are not doing this: we have normalized kids eating alone in their rooms, or with phones and iPads at the table but these relational intelligence skills are not being cultivated. Covid didn’t help. Leadership begins with self-awareness, knowing when to lead and when to follow, and active listening; family dinners give kids (and parents!) a chance to practice that in real-time. These moments create leaders who are not only competent but compassionate—an invaluable and future-proof trait in any industry or setting.

What role do you believe parents play in shaping compassionate leaders of the future, and how can rituals like family dinners serve as a foundation for this?

Parents set the tone for how children approach the world. By modeling expectations, following through, boundaries, accountability, empathy, respect, and open communication at the dinner table, parents give kids the tools to lead with their hearts as well as their heads. Family dinners are a microcosm of the larger world—a training ground where kids learn to listen, adapt, and contribute meaningfully. These lessons ripple outward, shaping compassionate leaders who value connection and collaboration.