A Song for Memory: How Music Helps Us Say “The Long Goodbye”

As Alzheimer’s Awareness Month comes to a close, the impact of dementia remains ever-present for those living with it and their loved ones. Sarah McArthur, Director of Wellness at Amica Edgemont Village, has found a way to capture this journey through music. Inspired by a remarkable woman she cared for, Sarah and her musical partner Bobby McAloney created “The Long Goodbye“—a deeply moving song and music video that portrays the beauty, resilience, and heartbreak of Alzheimer’s.

With production by Mother Mother’s Mike Young and featuring cellist Peggy Lee, the song blends heartfelt storytelling with haunting melodies, serving as both a tribute and a call to cherish every fleeting moment. We sat down with Sarah McArthur to talk about the inspiration behind “The Long Goodbye,” the role of music in memory care, and the lasting legacies of those we love. —Noa Nichol

What inspired you to create “The Long Goodbye,” and can you share more about the remarkable woman who served as your muse for the song?

“The Long Goodbye” was written about an incredible woman that I met while working at Amica Edgemont Village, someone whose details I didn’t want to lose. Someone who was slowly slipping away from her progressing dementia. This song was based on her life; a single mother who beat all odds, attended medical school in the 60’s, and had an incredible impact on the world around her. 

This song was born from a conversation with her daughter. She said to me, “I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it when my mother no longer knows my name, I guess that’s why they call it the long goodbye.” It was at that moment that I thought to myself, I’m going to write a song about this. I don’t want to forget this woman, this family, and their love story. Ever. I came home and Bobby had a beautiful piece of music on the guitar that didn’t seem to have the right story. I began writing the lyrics loosely based on this woman’s life and by the end knew it was too special to keep on a voice memo buried on my phone. 

How did your experiences working with individuals living with Alzheimer’s influence the storytelling and emotional depth of the song?

It’s everything. Working as a nurse, you bear witness to moments in life that someone might only have to experience once or twice in their lifetime. This could be a significant diagnosis, a child being born, the passing of a loved one, or navigating a significant decline in health that forever changes someone’s world. As a nurse, you stand in the gap constantly, supporting people in these delicate moments. I have found that supporting individuals with Alzheimer’s or dementia is just as much about supporting their loved ones as it is them. This woman’s journey shattered every preconceived idea I had about dementia. Her family allowed me to see & feel their own raw experience of letting go, their own long goodbye. This allowed me to pen lyrics from an intrinsic place from both her perspective and theirs. 

Can you tell us about the collaboration process with Bobby McAloney, Mike Young from Mother Mother, and Peggy Lee on this project? 

Bobby McAloney & I  have been a musical duo, Focus Your Audio, since 2018. We are storytellers and work collaboratively to create music with a message, and this song wasn’t any different. 

When we were discussing which song would be best to release next, we showed “The Long Goodbye” to our producer Mike Young (Mother Mother) and he said, “That’s the one!” So we started recording it with a focus on keeping it very simple so the vocal would take center stage. Mike created a gorgeous cello piece which Peggy Lee played on the song, Bobby played his 40-year-old Yamaha acoustic guitar and I just sang, no background harmonies, just one voice. 

It was recorded in Vancouver, BC at Y Studio and Hipposonic Recording Studio. 

The music video for “The Long Goodbye” is incredibly moving. What was your vision for the visual representation of the song, and how did it come together?

The music video concept was developed by writer/director Cheyenne Rouleau. Cheyenne had the idea of creating a one-shot music video, meaning no edits, it would just be one continuous shot from beginning to end. With each full pan of the camera around the room, it would slowly be emptied, packed up or items missing. This was accomplished by a team of eight set dressers behind the camera utilizing a movable wall! This way when the camera came back around the room it would suddenly look different to the viewer. All these changes were created to symbolize the progression of someone living with dementia. Eventually, this once bright & warm space becomes an empty room that’s dark and scattered. It truly does represent the character’s mind and her deterioration, eventually leaving her with a note that says “Stay with me tonight,” a lyric from the song. This is from her loved ones asking her to stay with them for as long as she can. 

Alzheimer’s can be an isolating disease for both individuals and their families. What role do you believe music plays in bridging that gap and fostering connection?

Sometimes people don’t want to talk about things like this. Sometimes there aren’t any words to truly express what anyone’s feeling. I’ve found that music about such things lets people know that they aren’t alone. This was the reason for releasing this song. Honouring this larger-than-life person while also being a voice for someone to connect with in possibly their darkest moment. We really wanted people to know they aren’t alone. 

How does your role as Director of Wellness at Amica Edgemont Village allow you to integrate creative projects like this into your work with residents?

I’m grateful that Amica fosters a culture of sharing your gifts and talents. Every team member is encouraged to share what they’re passionate about. Day to day, my role allows me the opportunity to encourage our team members to be creative with the care they provide and incorporate singing and music as an option when appropriate. Something like this can be easily overlooked but is such a powerful tool for creating comfort and connection. Often when word funding becomes difficult for someone living with Alzheimer’s or dementia, utilizing song becomes an effortless expression for them. I’m about to put on a presentation for our Assisted living residents about the story behind this song, the concept for the music video, and how we were able to accomplish the final product. Amica is the only place where I have ever worked where they truly understand the importance of taking the time for this kind of involvement. 

The song speaks to the gradual loss that dementia brings. What message do you hope families and caregivers take away from “The Long Goodbye”?

I remember when I was writing the lyrics I thought, gosh this is so sad! Maybe I should write a happier bridge! But I decided to let the raw emotion of what people experience in their own long goodbye be the resounding truth of the song. A big part of the message is acknowledging the perpetual changes that loved ones and caregivers need to make with the progression of the disease. The chorus’ are from this perspective of a loved one saying, “but you can’t see what I can see, walking by your side. There were changes at every turn in this long goodbye. Just stay with me tonight.” The final chorus flips it to say, “I can’t see what you can see, looking through your eyes. We were changing with every turn in the long goodbye. I’ll stay with you tonight.” 

Amica emphasizes preserving legacies and fostering connections. How does this mission shape your approach to wellness and caregiving?

People are more than their diseases, more than their trials. Every person has the right to live their best life in a supported and celebrated environment, no matter the circumstance. This is especially true for our most vulnerable population at Amica who live in our Memory Care community. It’s essential and non-negotiable to know the person you’re caring for. Understanding a person’s changing interests, likes and dislikes, triumphs and fears is always at the forefront of everything we do as caregivers. Taking the time to foster those deep, meaningful connections that nurture a holistic approach is truly the only way. 

What advice would you give to families navigating the challenges of Alzheimer’s on how to preserve meaningful moments and connections?

Don’t lose heart. Although we’re talking about a degenerative condition, approach each day with hands unclenched and an open heart, willing to receive whatever the day brings. Sometimes it’s a day that pierces your heart with pain, anger, and loss for the person you once knew. Other days it will pierce your heart with moments of joy, laughter, reflection, memories, small joys, and a new song. 

Are there any future music or creative projects on the horizon that continue to raise awareness or celebrate the lives of those impacted by Alzheimer’s?

We are in communication with The Alzheimer’s Society, allowing them to use this song and video as a tool to raise awareness about the disease and its impact. This song is a delicate favourite when we play it live. We take the opportunity to share the story behind the song in an effort to bring awareness to those with Alzheimer’s and support their loved ones.