What happens when an award-winning singer-songwriter channels his caregiving journey into song? You get “When I Become Confused,” a hauntingly beautiful new release from Scots-Canadian artist David Leask. Inspired by his experience supporting his mother-in-law through dementia, the Adult Contemporary-Jazz ballad offers a rare, heartfelt glimpse into the emotional reality of memory loss. Released in partnership with the Alzheimer’s Society of Peel and premiered on BBC Radio, the track is more than just a tribute—it’s a tool for empathy, connection, and awareness. We sat down with Leask to talk about the inspiration behind the music, the healing power of song, and why dementia advocacy has become such a personal mission. —Noa Nichol
“When I Become Confused” is such a moving piece—can you tell us about the moment or memory that first sparked its creation?
The idea for the song was originally given to me by an old school chum Rob Keiller when I was on tour in the UK. Rob shared a poem called “When I Become Confused” that he had written after his mother Ada passed away from Alzheimer’s at age 64. At the time, my wife and I were caring for her mother Ruth who was dealing with dementia, and the title of the poem resonated with me and was a powerful spark that led to the song.
How did your experience as a caregiver to your mother-in-law influence the emotional depth and authenticity of the lyrics?
I guess I tried my best to look through a lens of compassion in order to understand what someone is going through in their brain because it is not always easy to understand certain behaviours of Alzheimer’s/Dementia. Over time, the picture slowly became a little clearer and I started to imagine what my mother-in-law might be going through with the disease and empathize with her growing confusion which helped me come up with lines like – “the bridge between synapses collapses and words fall through”. Also, Ruth was a singer and piano player all her life, so music continues to bring her comfort and meaning even in the late stage of the disease and she is the inspiration for the line, “I’ll sing my way through.”
The song draws from a poem written by a friend—how did that collaboration unfold and shape the final track?
After my old school chum Rob Keiller sent me his poem, I felt stirred by the title and some of the other lines. That same day, I was on my return flight to Canada after my UK tour and just as the plane touched down in Toronto, I heard a melody in my head for “When I Become Confused.” At that time, my wife and I were returning to look after her Mom knowing the level of care she needed had increased dramatically. In the emotional intensity of our lives at that point, it was very timely for me to follow the signals and finish the song. I think ultimately both Rob and I expressed ourselves from a true place and that comes through in the honesty of the song’s words and music. The depth of emotion embedded in this track was only possible through living and journeying with someone with Alzheimer’s/Dementia.
What role did music play in your personal caregiving journey? Did you find moments of connection through it, even in the confusion of dementia?
As I say, my mother-in-law Ruth was a singer and piano player all her life, so music is a place she can still connect where other areas are more affected by changes in the brain. Up until the last several years, she could still play the piano and sing and I’d even play some boogie woogie piano to motivate her to walk and exercise around the house. As her voice is altered by the Vascular dementia, getting her to sing out with different vowel sounds helps to exercise her throat muscles. It also helps tap into her long established identity as a trained singer and she becomes very motivated to perform well. There is a sense of vitality that comes out when she strives to make music.
The recording process for this track was live off the floor. Why did you choose that method, and how did it affect the energy and tone of the song?
I once heard Daniel Lanois describe the recording stage of a song’s journey as the means of securing “an aural photograph of an emotional or spiritual condition.” With “When I Become Confused”, I was blessed to work with producer Justin Abedin, and he and I talked through all the pieces of how to capture the song’s magic. An important part of the puzzle were the players for the recording session and we chose the wonderful team of Davide DiRenzo on drums, Drew Birston on upright bass and Aaron Davis on piano. I’d never worked with Aaron before and Justin sent him my simple acoustic guitar/vocal work tape recording. When Aaron arrived at the studio, I remember he was surprised to find I wouldn’t be playing guitar on the session, just singing. This meant Aaron, Davide & Drew could have room to add their combined thoughtful phrasing and musical space, weaving their parts together while I sang the lead vocal. I recall vividly the amazing sense of all these wonderful parts wrapping around me as I strived to tap into the emotion of where the song came from. Capturing these moments live off the floor was liberating and allowed us to express the kind of sensitivity that translated the lyrics of the song so beautifully.
The animated video adds another layer of emotion to the song—how did the concept for the visuals come about, and what was it like seeing the story come to life in that form?
Paul Willis and I had a chat and he came up with the poignant idea of a parallel story with a granddaughter and grandfather, culminating in a beautiful moment between them at the end of the song. Watching the way the animation represented the song and lyrics was extremely moving to me and many others have told me they had tears in their eyes by the end of the video.
You’ve partnered with the Alzheimer’s Society of Peel for this release. What kind of impact do you hope the song has within the dementia caregiving community?
I hope it can raise awareness about the challenges of navigating the disease. I think the impact of the song for caregivers is, in some cases, the most significant, as the song’s sense of loss for the Dementia sufferer is also the grief and loss experienced by those who love them.
As someone who’s worked in healthcare settings and seen the power of music firsthand, what would you say to someone who’s just beginning their own caregiving journey?
Initially it’s easy to experience confusion yourself as a carer as to what’s going on with the person you are caring for. It’s not unusual to pick up the wrong signals so there can be a lot of trial and error in figuring out how to connect. It takes time and patience and you have to give yourself a break. It’s almost like acquiring a different language. If you can just hang in there, one of the things you start to see and hear is that people who have dementia, no matter at what stage, still have wisdom to impart and things to share. Music can be a powerful bridge to help build that connection between the carer and the person with Dementia.
“When I Become Confused” blends Adult Contemporary and Jazz in a unique way. How did you land on this particular sound for such a delicate subject?
I don’t think I gave much thought to the genre for the song as I tend to believe that songs have their own voice and if I’m listening, both during the writing process and the production process, I will hear the personality, the character within the words and music that will help guide the production. Things like the diminished chord in this song that represented the confusion right at the point of the hook line in the lyric. Also the space in the arrangement that seemed to capture the idea that there were more questions than answers. I think those kinds of elements pointed towards more of a jazzy vibe in places in the recording.
This song clearly comes from a deeply personal place. What has the response been like so far—from audiences, caregivers, or even those currently living with dementia?
The response has been deeply meaningful, not just in the way that people have expressed how the song and video made them feel, but also how open and brave people have been about sharing their own stories of this disease touching them in one way or another. This is a common story amongst the population and staggering to think that 650,000 Canadians live with Alzheimer’s/Dementia and that figure will increase to over 1,000,000 by 2030.
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