New Year, Real You: Shannan Kym on Reinvention Without the Reset Myth

As “New Year, New You” narratives resurface, author and TEDx speaker Shannan Kym offers a more honest—and far more sustainable—approach to transformation. In this Q&A, Kym opens up about the lived experiences behind Find The Answers Within You, sharing how sobriety, healing from trauma, and radical self-responsibility shaped her ten-pathway framework for real change—one rooted not in perfection, but in truth, resilience, and self-discovery. —Noa Nichol

So many “New Year, New You” stories promise quick fixes. How does your personal journey challenge the idea that transformation happens
Overnight?  

In my book, FIND THE ANSWERS WITHIN YOU Ten Pathways Toward Self-Discovery, I write about howtransformation is a journey, and there is no quick fix, nor do you want one.  To transform, you must put in the work, and that takes time, energy, and a lot of inner work. This work can’t be rushed, as many layers are being peeled away due to trauma and many feelings that have been suppressed for years. Transformation is about getting to the root of these feelings, feeling them, becoming very uncomfortable, understanding them, then learning how to release them and set healthy boundaries to become that greater version of you. There is no quick fix; you need time to process everything you are going through.

Along this journey, many things will unfold, revealing to you things about yourself you never knew. You will begin to get to know who you really are, what you want, and what you don’t like, and you will create a new identity, shaped by the wonderful things that unfold within you and by who you want to become. This is a time to embrace the true essence of who you are, and that can’t be rushed.

You’ve lived through addiction, abuse, profound loss, and reinvention. Looking back, what was the actual turning point—the moment that change became non-negotiable for you?

My turning point came on August 17, 2019, when I had my awakening. That day I woke up, and I knew I was done with living with my addiction, and I had two choices: end my life or change my life completely. I chose to change because I knew my personal “WHY” so clearly. I wanted to be a good mother, someone my kids would be proud of someday; I wanted to be a good person and a mentor to others. I would have done anything to keep anyone else from feeling as I had for so long.

I knew that if I was to change the cycle of addiction in my family, I had to break this generational cycle. I didn’t want this for my children, grandchildren, and future generations.

Your book is built around ten pathways. Was there one pathway that was the hardest for you to embody in real life—and why?

Forgiveness of myself was the hardest, and sometimes I still have trigger moments that will pop up. It was the hardest because I have to look at and be with myself every day, and I can’t run from myself. I still have moments when I think about how I let certain things happen, how I let others hurt me, why I wasn’t better at setting healthy boundaries, and why I kept being a people-pleaser for so long. But through my journey of transformation, I learned to be aware, and from that awareness, I shift into gear for the next layer to be looked at and what I need to heal, so once again to bring me closer to that greater version of who I want to be. 
      

You speak candidly about responsibility as a form of freedom, not blame. How can people take responsibility for their lives without shaming themselves for their past?

Taking responsibility is how I came to all the realizations of the truths of who I was and to accept all of me, which was the good and the not-so-good. I needed to see where I was at fault, what I should have changed, and to see my own selfishness. It was about owning up to all the wrongs I had done to others and to myself. There were no more blaming others or me being a victim. I knew that if I wanted to change, fulfill my personal “WHY,” and move forward, I had to take responsibility and be accountable.

Once I could clearly see what I had been hiding for so long, it was now a matter of dealing with all these issues that I was running from and working on healing. It was through hard work and self-acceptance that I learned to love myself, giving me the strength and confidence to become the person I am today.

Forgiveness is a word many people struggle with, especially when abuse is involved. What does forgiveness look like when it’s done in a healthy, self-protective way?

I think that forgiveness is a feeling of acceptance. It is living each day knowing I have done the inner work and will continue to do it for the rest of my life. To forgive is not meant to bring peace to others but to bring peace, joy, and happiness to me. I learned that I am not responsible for other people’s feelings or actions, only for my own, and if that means forgiving, it is what I need to do to live in harmony with my true self.

It is also about recognizing that when things don’t feel aligned, and when I’m at peace with my true self, I need to go inward and see what is happening within me that I need to address.

Forgiveness has given me the confidence and strength to move forward, live a life I can be proud of, and share my experiences, no matter how painful they may have been. I can get vulnerable and no longer live with shame, fear, and guilt.  
       

After years of numbing pain through addiction, how did you learn to sit with discomfort without running from it?

Discomfort and being alone in stillness with myself was the best thing that ever happened to me, yet it was the most difficult. It was in those times that what I didn’t want to deal with came to the surface because there were no distractions or any place for me to run and hide. It was then that I came to realize that what I was doing and how I was living my life was not working, and it was time to confront all the pain that I had suppressed for all those years.

Breakdowns are when breakthroughs happen, and they only occur when you are willing to get uncomfortable.

I had to put myself in uncomfortable situations so I could confront and overcome what I feared the most. Setting healthy boundaries was difficult as well, because it showed me who cared about and loved me, and, as it turned out, many didn’t like that I was changing and protecting myself. I learned through this that my mess matters and that I had nothing to fear or be ashamed of. Being uncomfortable gave me courage, strength, and confidence to take on more challenges. I discovered so much about myself, and it was through these challenging times that I learned to push myself to limits I never thought possible.  
       

Your physical transformation—from weight loss to bodybuilding—mirrors your internal healing. How did changing your relationship with your body reshape your sense of self-worth?

Releasing the 80 pounds from my body was just the very beginning of letting everything toxic in my life go. When I looked in the mirror every day, and I saw what I didn’t like, I had to change. My journey from weight loss to bodybuilding gave me the structure, routine, and discipline I needed to guide me each day. It was through this hard work and determination that I realized I could push beyond the limits I had set for myself and the negative thoughts I had set for myself. As my body transformed, I grew stronger and more confident, and I felt beautiful for the first time. But the biggest thing was that I could now look in the mirror, and it was the beginning stages of me starting to love myself. I was seeing a side of me I had never seen or thought possible.

 This transformation and my stepping on stage for competition proved to me that I am worthy, deserving, and I can have what I want if I continue to stay focused, stay true to myself, and keep a positive attitude. Since then, I have continued to bring bigger, brighter things into my life, knowing that I am worthy and can have what I want if I follow the same path I did with my bodybuilding journey.

       
You write about “wanting” as a critical pathway. Why is it so difficult for people—especially women—to name what they truly want
Without guilt or fear?

I really believe it is because we are so used to taking care of everyone else, especially our children or our spouse. We would rather do for others first, above all else, taking care of ourselves. But what I learned is that I need to come first and tend to my wants and needs. The reason I say this is, how can I possibly take care of and love others if I can’t do that for myself? This is so important as a mother and a role model because it is showing my children and anyone who loves me that I am important, and I respect and love myself, and I expect to be treated that way by others.

Knowing what you truly want is not selfish, and no one should ever feel guilty or afraid to pursue it. We are all meant to be happy and to find joy in our lives, and if we don’t go after our dreams, what are we really living for?

By pursuing what I want in life, I have not only opened opportunities for myself but also for my children’s future, thanks to the people I have met and the rooms I am walking into now. I am a role model, showing them there are no limits and that they can do and be whatever they choose, and I think that is a beautiful gift I have given myself and them.

       
For readers who feel stuck in cycles they’ve inherited—addiction, trauma, toxic relationships—what’s the first belief they need to let go of to move forward?

The first belief that they need to let go of is that they are not good enough. I know from personal experience that that is what held me back. I believed that I didn’t matter, who would listen, who would want to help, who did I think I was, what would others think, and everything was all about everyone else.

Once I realized I was good enough and worthy, my life changed completely. It was not until I believed it in myself first that inner work changed my self-image. That is why mindset and personal development matter so much. I realized that the only person who needed to know I was good enough was me. What others thought of me was none of my business. I learned not to care about being judged because it didn’t matter what I did; I would be considered and frowned upon, no matter what, because I couldn’t please everyone and never would.

Letting go of not feeling good enough faded away all those other feelings, because I learned my life was all about me and nobody else.

        
If someone picks up your book at the start of a new year feeling broken or behind in life, what do you hope they think by the time they turn the final page?

My biggest hope for anyone who reads FIND THE ANSWERS WITHIN YOU Ten Pathways Toward Self-Discovery is that they conclude that they can be healed, or whatever is going on in their life can be changed to a positive one. They need to know they are not alone on their journey, and that many others are going through the same thing. Their mess matters, and others need to hear it, so don’t be ashamed to share. Even though they may not see it right now, their life purpose lies in the pain they are experiencing, and from that, they will gain strength, courage, and worth.

I ask that they reach out and seek help from a therapist, a family member, a friend, just someone to share what is going on. Everything can be fixed; you need to find the hope and the help, or a person who can guide you. This is why I genuinely believe everyone will benefit from implementing the Ten Pathways I created in their lives. Once they do, they will begin to see a positive shift and embark on a journey to heal and find their greatness within. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, nor with them. You are love, you are perfect, and you are a beautiful gift to the world.