Welcome to The Mom Flow, where I share things that are on my mind in the hopes of helping you connect to your Mom Flow. Thanks for being here! —Erin Sousa
I don’t remember where I recently saw this topic pop up, but I clocked it immediately – it felt like something worth unpacking here with you.
For me, close friendships are a huge source of happiness, groundedness, and overall wellbeing. Nothing beats having someone you can lay it all out to – and they just get it.
Because of my job, I end up in a lot of social settings – not always with people I click with – but still, there’s always the opportunity to connect. And yet, finding true mom friendships? That’s something different altogether.
Moms are busy. Like, can-barely-reply-to-a-text busy. Planning an actual outing feels like coordinating a national holiday. So for me, the best mom friends are the ones who make equal effort, share common values, live close enough that “let’s meet at the park” doesn’t feel impossible, and whose kids get along (because let’s be honest – the playdate is often the glue holding it all together).
That said, I also have plenty of friends who are moms – women I hang out with one-on-one, without our kids. Maybe that’s the difference between “mom friends” and “friends who are moms.” The overlap is there, but the energy feels different?
As Lola gets older and the challenges get more complex, I find myself reaching out to other moms more often. Sometimes it’s for advice, but mostly it’s for reassurance. Hearing another mom say, “Oh my god, we went through that too,” instantly lightens the load. It’s not just about solving the problem – it’s about realizing you’re not the only one feeling this way.
Because motherhood can be so lonely, can’t it? It’s such an internal experience – where every fiber of your being is reacting daily, and everything feels new, raw, and like you’re the first person to ever go through it. You question everything, even when you know you’re doing your best. We’re all just figuring it out for the first time – together, but separately. The separately part actually is the reason I started this Substack (guys, 2 years ago?!). IRL, I am vocal about struggles to open up the hard parts/normalize not keeping it all in (or looking like I have it all together!) because I think it’s sooooo much healthier this way.
The other day, I was confiding in a friend – someone I deeply admire and who always shows up for me. Mid-conversation, I learned that she, too, struggles with one of her kids in a way that mirrors what I’ve been going through.
Funny enough, the convo wasn’t even about my daughter – it was about me, and how I handle things. I’d been quietly beating myself up, replaying moments and wishing I’d done better. To hear her say she’s been there too – when I never would’ve guessed she could relate – was like an instant weight lifting off my shoulders.
This is exactly what I love most about mom friendships. When you find the good ones, it’s a hold on tight situation. They remind you that you’re not alone, and that everyone – even the moms who look like they’ve got it all together – have their moments.
Of course, not every mom connection clicks like that. I’ve had plenty of situations where I really liked the person, but we were both just too busy to make it stick. Or where the effort felt one-sided – I’d suggest plans, check in, and it would sort of fizzle. Honestly, sometimes it feels a little like dating, right?
The best mom friendships, in my experience, are the ones that:
- show up when it counts (even if you haven’t talked in weeks)
- share a similar parenting style, but still challenge your perspective
- think of you when something comes up your kid might love
- touch base often-ish, but give grace for the tumbleweed seasons
Putting yourself out there is hard – I get it. But it’s also so worth it. Offer help. Suggest a playdate. Be the first to make a move. People are busy, and it’s rarely personal if it takes a few tries to click.
In our kindergarten group, we have a WhatsApp chat where a few moms recently planned a casual get-together. Such a great idea! I’ve hosted a few school events myself to help build that sense of community. After all, Lola will be with many of these kids for the next twelve years – why not make it count?
The way I see it, good relationships are deeply fulfilling and absolutely worth the effort. Not everyone will make the cut – and that’s okay. The right ones will feel easy, mutual, and real.
There’s more! Keep reading this week’s edition of The Mom Flow by Erin Sousa; subscribe for free to receive new posts and support her work, here!
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