Frenemies To Forever Friends: Erin Gallagher On Breaking Free From Mean Girl Culture

This National Friendship Day (August 3), we’re not just celebrating our ride-or-dies—we’re reevaluating the relationships that don’t serve us. Enter Erin Gallagher, founder of the Hype Women movement and author of the upcoming book Hype Women: Breaking Free From Mean Girls, Patriarchy and Systems Silencing You (October 2025, Wiley). Erin’s on a mission to rewrite the friendship rulebook, helping women move beyond toxic dynamics, ditch competition, and build drama-free, hype-filled connections that actually lift each other up. We caught up with Erin to talk about the five friendship shifts every woman needs, how to finally cut ties with the “mean girls” in your life—and how to raise the next generation to do better. —Noa Nichol

You talk about breaking free from “mean girl” culture—why do you think so many of us carry the wounds of toxic female friendships well into adulthood?

Because we will always carry a mean girl inside of us, too. That’s what I finally realized. As an adult, I had thoughts about other women that I wasn’t proud to admit. Judgy, jealous, jaded thoughts. It’s exhausting. I was so tired of allowing my conditioning—messaging from media, culture, corporate America that women were my competition—to occupy so much space inside of my mind and to control how I operated out in the world. So, every time that negative thought creeps in when another woman’s light is shining, I pause. I give myself compassion and grace. I say, “of course you’re having this feeling. You’ve been taught your whole life to think this way.” And then, I make a different choice. I hype her. I congratulate her, share her work, buy her products, tell my friends, use my platforms to amplify. Because every time we decide to make a different choice than the one we were conditioned to make, we are rewriting our brain and creating a path out of the vicious mean girl cycle.

In your book, you explore how competition between women is often baked into our social conditioning. What was your personal turning point when you realized you wanted out of that system?

I turned 40. Something broke in—and out of—me. I looked around at my life and the relationships I was in with women—both personally and professionally—and realized how many were based solely on inertia. I finally gave myself the space to acknowledge how tired I was of competing with women who claimed to care about me. They not only made me feel like I was competing with other women but that I was also competing for them; for validation, respect and 

You’ve identified five friendship shifts to help women move toward more empowering relationships. Which shift do you think is the hardest—and most healing—to make?

Admitting that “life-long” friendships may not actually last forever.

Walking away from a toxic friendship can be just as painful as ending a romantic relationship. What advice do you have for women who feel trapped in a friendship that no longer serves them?

The truest, most honoring choice you can make is to listen to your body when you are around these “friends.” Do you feel drained after dinner with her? Does she spend most of the time talking shit about other women—and encouraging you to do the same? Does she only appear when you are “shiny” versus when you appear “dull?” Does she only show up when you’re struggling to hear the salacious details, but fails to celebrate you when your hard work has paid off?

If you answered yes to any of these, you may have outgrown this person. And you will not be able to continue to evolve and grow if you let their toxic energy hold you back?

You encourage women to unfollow, mute, or block without guilt. Why is that such a radical—and necessary—act of self-care?

Because we are conditioned to abandon ourselves in service to others. We are taught to be people pleasers; to value others’ opinions more than our own; to be likeable by everyone, even if it means turning into someone we’re not. We are told that we owe everyone a response, a reaction, a third / fourth / fifth chance. It’s all a lie. Every time you respond to—and interact with—a toxic person who drains your energy, they win. Don’t do it. When you realize you don’t owe them anything, least of all your time and energy, you take all of your power back.

What role does motherhood play in your mission to dismantle mean girl culture? How do we break the cycle so our daughters don’t inherit the same toxic patterns?

Mean girls don’t grow up to be Hype Women. They grow up to hate women. And they raise the next generation of mean girls who set out to do the same damage. We must acknowledge, call out and reject the behavior that allows mean girls to mistreat other girls on the playground as a socially acceptable rite of passage. Ignoring it and saying “girls will be girls” when it comes to cruel behavior is just as insidious as saying “boys will be boys” when they’re being physically violent or violating.

You speak about the five archetypes of women—can you share which archetype makes the most uplifting friend, and why?

Protectors. Hands down. All day long. These are the first friends you want to tell when something good has happened. And they are the first ones you need when it all falls apart. You grow, make mistakes, hurt, hype and heal together. These are the women who celebrate your successes as if they are their own.

Many women feel pressure to keep long-standing friendships even when they’re no longer healthy. How do we let go with love and without shame?

It doesn’t always need to be a big blowout or a dramatic, tearful end of things. It won’t always be a falling out. Sometimes, it’s a falling away. When neither of you is reaching out your hand to find the other, you let go. Some people were not meant to be in our lives forever. They were here to teach us something about ourselves and the world. That is a beautiful gift. And something you can take with you, in your heart, when you move forward. 

Your Hype Women movement is about replacing competition with genuine support. What does it feel like—on a soul level—when women start showing up for each other like that?

It feels like effortless flow. It feels like a love letter to the little girl inside of you who always deserved better and more. It feels like an endorphin rush. It feels like collective abundance. It feels like home.

If you could rewrite the friendship rulebook for women everywhere, what would the first new rule be?

Love yourself first. Only then can you show up truly, fully and authentically as who you are. The best women, the friends who will become like sisters to you, will run towards her—the you who has been inside all along.