The Mom Flow: The Day I Let Go Of The Mom Martyr Mindset

Welcome to The Mom Flow, where I share things that are on my mind in the hopes of helping you connect to your Mom Flow. Thanks for being here! —Erin Sousa

I have to admit something, and it’s been something I have been feeling worried about saying out loud. I got some help.

Let me explain…

I’ve come to the conclusion that being a mom in 2025 is a freaking LOT. The demands of women are wild, and social media has made us feel (even though we are aware of it!) like we should do more, be more and that’s something I’ve always pushed back against. If it can happen to me, I knowwww so many reading this feel it.

Here’s the thing: there is NO reason I should feel like getting help is ‘taboo’. That said, I have to admit that I have got caught up in a trap and that trap is the one where I feel shame and guilt if I can’t “do it all”.

For me, doing it ‘all’ is the following: working full time, being the breadwinner, running my clients and my brand partnerships, AND my business (I separate those things, bc owning your own business really is not the same as working a 40 hour work week and I’ll die on that hill), my job also requires me to work a full day and attend (or work!) events in the evening. Then, there’s being a mom which means I drop her off, pick her up, volunteer at the school once a week, do all the extras like shopping, appts, blah blah, entertaining her, baking, I mean I could list it all, but you know what I mean. Of course, there’s being a wife, a sister, keeping the house running, groceries, cooking, cleaning (I have a cleaner who comes in twice a month, and bless, I wish it was weekly!). Dealing with my mom’s health and wellness – I do not talk about this at any deep level for her privacy and dignity. I also of course need to take care of myself, for me, that means my nails, hair, you know, the stuff I like to do. God forbid it’s friend time or my hour of reality TV at night. Guys, I am tired – like any mom, it’s A. LOT. You know it, I know it. Does that even scrape the surface of special projects like organizing, photo albums, general home projects… heck no.

And you know what?

I was torturing myself looking around and not getting to those things. Something as seemingly simple as Lola’s closet had me paralyzed. Her drawers were a hot mess and I was frozen, just not even knowing how and where to start. Why? Because I was overwhelmed! I was beating myself up for feeling overwhelmed – like “why can’t I do it all, I should be able to, especially since I have one child and grandparent help”. And I know, I’ll hear, but what about your husband, what does he do? He is great, he is in it with me, he does his part. But man, life is busy and why run ragged trying to do all the damn things to the point where you aren’t enjoying life? To me, the journey really is to be savoured and enjoyed.

It never even occurred to me to ask for help. Why was that? Because I didn’t think I deserved it. Yuck. This wasn’t the advice I’d give my sis or best friend.

So instead of me asking for help, the help came to me. One of my followers noticed that I seemed to be doing a lot, and I could maybe use her services – it was almost as if I just needed to be given a shake. Oh, ya, I am busy. It is a lot. I do need help! The concept felt foreign, but a family helper was just what this house needed. Someone to come regularly, team up with me, or work on their own, whipping us into shape on the reg. Maybe it’s food prep, doing a little tidy, organizing the fridge, drawers, whatever! Getting to know our home and routine and just helping free up my time so I can pour myself elsewhere and things feel less chaotic (anyone else feel terribly scattered when things are in disarray?)

The first order of business was Lola’s room, and that felt so great – a partner to work with me on it was what I needed! Check out the before and after… like a deep breath for my soul. She will come every week for 3 hours to start and we will see what works. I feel better already – having support really feels incredible.

I’m not here to be a mom martyr. Sometimes, mom needs some help, and we need to normalize not shaming when we do. Permission granted, moms!

There’s more! Keep reading this week’s edition of The Mom Flow by Erin Sousa; subscribe for free to receive new posts and support her work, here!